its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I need a burrito and a hug.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
