Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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