I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
