Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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