Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
