I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
