Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
