Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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