i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
