i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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