It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
