he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He passed out mid-signature
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize