She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
