She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
