Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize