I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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