Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
worst night to have a conscience
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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