Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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