i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
time to smoke my breakfast
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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