fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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