I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
