I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Damn victory sex feels great
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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