i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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