I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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