so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
