His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
