You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
