Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
