Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
my poor anus
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
