Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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