And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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