Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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