pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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