Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize