Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
