That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize