Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
