I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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