if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
