Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
