I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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