I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
