Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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