he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You smell like stripper and shame
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
