hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
