I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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