so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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