So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize