My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just cut my nipple shaving
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
