all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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