before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
