he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
