took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm having to shit out rocks
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