I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
