Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
