I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
