You really coming over, don't trick.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
