we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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