I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
