I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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