When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
