I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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