My friends, they love my intelligence
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
