I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
