omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
