you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
