My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize