Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
two words...techno handjob
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
