He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
