Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
