Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
