my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize