guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
