Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
