Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
