its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
