So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
