if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize