If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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