dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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