I bet he comes in French.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
