Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
ok first of all what the fuck
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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