The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
