I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
