Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
