I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
