I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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