Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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