The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
did you just send me my own nude
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
