the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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