she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
