And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
