Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
And then he peed in my hair
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